Queer and Dating DL's

 "Your my little secret and that's how we should keep it?", were lyrics sung by a super talented and famous girl group. I'm sure because of their lifestyle, this song possibly immolated what they had to do to protect their stardom. Xscape was their name. In the queer community, we see a lot of people who are trying to escape their reality by labeling themselves as "DL". DL is an acronym for "Down low". Down low is suppose to signify that an individual has not had the courage or the space to come out to someone the most important people in their life. They either can't find the strength or they are too focused on what others think about them. I have seen this in the gay community where men are trying to uphold the prehistoric definition of what a man is suppose to be. I have seen it in the lesbian community where some women aren't comfortable allowing the world to know that someone is munching on her carpet or her being the carpet muncher. Either way, both scenarios bring up issues in our community. Even though they are uncomfortable, the queer community is not here to make you comfortable. It's not wrong to sometimes want to feel apart or feel like you are not living in your reality however that is healthy for the queer community. Everyday waking up as a queer individual, we have to prepare our minds for the world to either bash or congratulate us on what they see is a reward to our community when really its a hand out. For someone to cosplay and jump between heterosexual and homosexual can cause a lot of damage to the people who are involved. Wives, girlfriends, husbands and boyfriends who have entrusted their supposedly loyal partner with genuine heartfelt moments, will be crushed by knowing that they have been lied to. Most of the people who are affected by a decision a person made to hide their true identity would question even if their relationship was real. They are left heart broken knowing that your decision has changed the way you are looked at amongst people you supposedly loved. Being DL is thought to be a protective mechanism to keep ones false reality separate from what the DL actually would like to partake in, having intercourse with the same sex. Also, if you are in the mist of dating a DL please cut it off. This is an unhealthy cycle that the queer community continues which causes a lot of confusion and issues amongst people we are looking to mentally guide them to better understanding our lifestyle. Participating in the DL lifestyle knowing that you are a proud queer sets a horrible tone for the queer community. whether you want to take accountability or accept it, you are hurting yourself, the DL partner and the people around the DL. Nothing good comes out of intentionally hurting others for personal gain. I too used to try and Partake in dating DL's however once I saw how draining it was I stopped. I also saw that I was sending the wrong message. All the morals and Values I had went out the door. All the respect I had for myself left the hose too. You loose yourself trying to adhere to a life that was never meant for you. Allow the DL to come to terms with themselves. Don't create more issues by entertaining them, guide them and help them overcome before you overstep your boundaries. Yes, it also may seem easier to have a "little secret" because you think no one is in your business, but its' also dangerous. Imagine the DL having someone out them and you are their current situation. There are so many things that could happen to the DL, the relationship y'all created and the people they are surrounded by. To all my queer and black readers, have you ever messed with someone who labeled themselves as DL? Do you think living a "DL" lifestyle is healthy or unhealthy? How do you feel about guiding them instead of entertaining their false identity? Have you ever been in a DL situation that went south? What happened and what was the conclusion?

xoxoxo