Crawling, walking and running back to your purpose....

 I missed you guys so much. I really have been just living life and going through the motions figuring myself and things out. I have been very silent in how I move and I even tried some things to see if I was that same person I was. Recently, I have been thinking about my writing purpose. As my ideas grew so has my artistic humbleness. It's like I started to see what my life is for what it is and the moments I get bored, I either write or I sleep. I take the time out to expand my thoughts so that I can grow in my writing or I relax my mind so that I can use it wisely. I take my time creating something potent and worth wild. Working on projects that matter to me, really have changed my prospective on how I move as a person, Friend, individual, artist, family, and worker. It's like as you refine yourself artistically, you start to isolate yourself in a protective way. It's literally like the cycle of a butterfly. Imagine being a caterpillar, just consuming for change. As a caterpillar you have no real idea of what you are looking for. You are just existing to learn and understand. As you absorb all the nutrients and fiber, your body becomes stronger and healthier. You then crystalize. The crystallization of your body preps you for your transition. The transition from being naively vulnerable to aware and protected. The protection stage is where I am currently at. I am protecting and isolating myself in a crystal so that no one can change or influence my vision. I also am keeping a closed mouth and not connecting with anyone. I do not relate to any of these people. I don't truly connect at all. I have learned that this is ok. This isn't a time to connect and get to know anyone. This is still a time of growth. This is a time of introspection. A time to understand why you feel the way you feel, to understand what makes you happy in the mist of everything, a time to understand your position and power in life, at time to understand your craft and what one is truly capable of. I informed someone recently that its best understand yourself than to be understood. Its also best to understand others and never force or over explain yourself so others can understand you. I realized this after Lauryn hill explained it when she was 25. I was only 25 receiving this information. My next step is to metabolize into a moth or a butterfly. Once I am free of the lesson and I have completely humbled myself from journaling and building future plans while surrendering to god completely, I can finally be set free from my introspection to help others or be around others who are just like me. This is where it gets fun. This is where I can benefit the most. When I was a caterpillar, I was naive. I was putting myself in places around a bunch of birds who were looking to take advantage of my nutrients. They saw me as food and continue to pry and peck until they absorb all I was. However, I decided to move in a direction where I wasn't going to be someone else's food for thought while they treat me bad (aka my boss and coworkers). I then crystalized. I separated myself, went back home, reminded myself of who I was and stayed down and humble. I did not change my position and I did not become someone I wasn't. I am now the person I desire to be. I protect myself now so that I won't be tainted, stepped on or picked out of my own beautiful flower garden. They can not get to me. After this, I will be a butterfly and I truly believe that hole heartedly. My dreams are bigger than just this and who I am now. The more I grow the harder people who are miserable (my boss and coworkers) try to tare you down. As a butterfly, I will be lifted by god and carried by gods wind. As an air sign I have no choice but to surrender to gods path as I have completed my cycle and with the help of surrendering, I have grown into my true nature. The person I truly want to be. The person I understand the most. Because of my journey, I have now dissected myself even further. I have started to unlearn and relearn a lot of things that I was taught. Don't get me wrong, Most of these things thatI have held on to such as the meaning of respect and chilvarie still live inside of me. However, even with those characteristics there are levels to it. I found that I am redefining what some words and ideals as an adult mean to me. What does support look like for me? What does Love look like for me? What does stability look like for me? What does safety look like for me? And it just doesn't stop there. Ive learned that you are going to continue to redefine yourself as your experience life and these things will come up every year if you allow them. I advise everyone to reassess. It's just important for everyone to find the joy of figuring it out so that you won't be apart of the hurt people, hurt people category. But I said all of this to say that, In the mist of growth you have to crawl before you walk. You have to walk before you can run back to your purpose. Once you are running, don't allow others to stop you. When you're running, only tell yourself when you are ready to break or drink water. Don't let the world or people who live in the world detour your path because of their outside noise. You are are the true key to your future. 

xoxoxoxo