Allowing everything to flow

 As a human race, I think we have all been programmed to believe that our life needs to have our full control for everything to work out. Yes, Some things do need more attention than others. Some items may need more of a hands on approach. However, it is so pure when one has the natural power to just allow things to flow in and out. Sometimes you have to just let things go as they are. I've been in a particular stage in my late 20's where I just want to do the work I need to and be quiet. I almost would like to be a mute. Like I kind of want people to gradually leave me alone so I can grow in my aura and honestly its vice versa. I have been very chatty I would say with people on apps and in my place of living. I am kind of tired and drained of the people at the moment. I am not being truly fed by people how I would like to be. However, I am really enjoying school. I am really enjoying the fact that I get to work with people who are somewhat similar to me and have a somewhat likeminded individuals. I don't know them but they seem so pleasant over the phone and Video chat. I personally feel like I don't want to much attachment either as I am learning to let people be themselves. I don't acknowledge bullshit. I just let it be. But Also just saying hello, is a greeting. I am trying to greet better and be a better person. That's is all. I am working very hard on myself to make sure that I am performing at a rate that is reasonable for myself and myself only. I am trying my absolute best to be in my own zone and continue to just do the work. I truly am ok with staying to myself and not really saying much. I've learned at this age that people will always be a disappointment due to my belief in them. So now I release my control over those who I think wouldn't be of stature to be in my life. I am trying to build forever and not temporary. For instance, I have had people ask me to move in with them and I feel very uncomfortable. I also don't want to spend my money on a vehicle just for me to end up falling short on money and carpooling people around. I just don't want that. I am just trying to find my own way and make the best decisions as possible. I don't want to continue to fail at  the simplest decisions. I want to keep myself in good faith. I just want to hold myself accountable. I don't want to hold anyone else accountable. So I am on this new journey where I am kinda ignoring people who are presently in my life. I want to be able to see how far I can go without outside control or noise. I have nothing against these people. I just want better for myself and I hope they want better for themselves too. I never want to be the moldy apple in a basket full of good fruit. I don't want to taint or be tainted by the uncontrollable when I could have controlled my scenario this entire time. So I am now mute and Im ok. I am now writing better and I am ok. I am now recognizing my strengths and I am ok. Everyone hopefully reading this is doing the same. 



xoxoxoxo

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Born Queer , Raised Queer, or ?

 There has always been this debate whether people were born queer or raised queer. Now I will say that this is not to offend anyone who is trying to work through traumas that are related to being queer. This is only to assist, heal and create open dialogue about what your twitter advocates seem to ignore. In the queer community, one of the questions that is always posed is "Were they born like this or were they touched?" I believe this to be a very open and honest question. People may think otherwise. However, I pose this question too. It means a lot to me when someone asks, because they can truly understand the person and their persona. The way that people ask may be the problem or the timing may also be the problem. Neither here nor there, For those who are queer and have had individual who have raised you into queer hood, there needs to be an understanding of how you became queer. Some people seem to judge the parents. It difficult for two opposite sex parents to accept th...
Read more

Queer and Hip Hop culture

 Kanye west just released a new album. Well its the sequel to his most recent venture. So I was on you guys favorite porn site twitter aka "X" , and this supposed Hip-hop influencer stated that no one was worried about the album anymore. I just sit back and think, how would someone who classifies themselves a s ship hop influencer or commentator, not care about one of the most innovative, original, talented,  voices in hip hop. Without Kanye, there wouldn't be a lot of artists today. So doing me, I commented and stated some real life things like, "Oh I bet you care now." Of course he lies for clout and to make himself seem right but why lie? For the queer community, if you are an artist, music for us is a true art form. From my personal experience, music is an escape for us. We use music to  make sense of what we are going through. And I just don't want to put this on only queer people. I think all people who enjoy a tune or two, use it to escape their reali...
Read more

Queer and Transitioning from Sad to Happy

So Its real and its not fake. It can actually happen for all of us. We can truly be happy. We just have to find our own lake. Or maybe its the transition from Summer to Fall. Who knows, but  I am finally able to see how someone can become happy. It's like Toni Morrison. Toni Morrison didn't truly find peace until she found a lake in her back yard. I say this to say, to all my queer and black readers, Find your lake like Toni Morrison. She found a lake that provided her peace. As she was given peace, she was able to actually write masterpieces and be recognized for her artistry and work. Peace and happiness are simultaneous energy. When you are able to disassociate yourself from others issues and problems, you are able to find the peace in your own situations. Now this doesn't that trails will not come about, but what this does mean is that you are able to control the narrative a little more. Instead of feeding into what's not working out, you are able to feed into how t...
Read more